Rewriting My Story: Acknowledging the Now at chapter #43

For all the beautiful women rewriting their stories, healing their trauma, and doing everything they can to be the best version of themselves: don't forget to enjoy and honor who you are right here, right now.And maybe, just maybe, try not to have an existential crisis the night before your birthday. (Easier said than done, trust me.) I just turned 43, and let me tell you, I did not want to turn 43. I spent all night thinking about how I could get out of this one, as if turning another year older was some kind of highly avoidable administrative error.

Exactly four months after I shared my last blog, I found myself in a full-blown crisis. I woke up the next morning doing what I always do when I'm sad (and let's be honest, slightly unhinged): I called my brother.

"I must have lost my mind," I told him, barely able to explain the thought that had gripped me. It was a bizarre, almost disorienting question: 

"What if I would've stayed?"

"Stayed where?" he asked, confused.

"In the marriage," I replied. Even as the words left my mouth, I could almost hear my own internal monologue screaming, "Seriously?! This is what we're doing now?!"


It was in that moment, vocalizing the thought, that I truly realized how crazy the mind can be. My brain just needed a little reminder of reality, apparently. Here I am, almost three years removed from leaving that marriage, going through a divorce, and not necessarily in the exact place I imagined I'd be. Yet, my mind was fixating on what it doesn't have, conjuring a past I’d actively chosen to leave. The truth is, I genuinely don’t want to go back. I don’t regret for one-second leaving; my only regret is how long I stayed.


I quickly came to my senses. This is life, messy, beautiful, and sometimes, yes, the mind plays tricks. Just because things aren't exactly how you envisioned doesn't mean they aren't worth living. Look at me now: I’m healthy, more at peace than I've been in years, and I have this beautiful bestie (my daughter) for life who keeps me on my feet.


This journey of healing is nonlinear, and it often involves these unexpected detours into past "what ifs." But each time, we have the chance to anchor ourselves back in the present, to acknowledge how far we've come. Healing isn't about erasing the past; it's about integrating it, learning from it, and choosing a different path forward. It's about recognizing that even when our current reality isn't a picture-perfect ideal, it can still be incredibly rich and deeply meaningful.


So, as I embrace 43, I’m embracing the messiness, the growth, and the profound peace that comes from truly being myself. And I encourage you to do the same. Honor your journey, celebrate your resilience, and remember that every step, even the ones that feel like a wobble, is part of your powerful story of reinvention. 


Love, 

Reivent Healing 

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